The Wannabe Economist

My self-worth depends on what i did / do / intending to do. Having said that, my self-worth at this point in time is at an all-time low.

The last time i went for something to improve myself was… my kayaking coaching assessment last week Jan. That was a long time ago…

I don’t have the motivation to lead ZMN life anymore. I figured out even though i suck at climbing, i could have improve my muscle strength and lose some weight to help myself. I can’t control my body shape, but i could improve the current situation. But NO! I’m not doing anything. I don’t go gym nor do push up religiously anymore. I don’t run / swim every other day too.

The worst fact is that i have no intention of starting to be faithful to my ZMN life. All i want to do is eat and snack everyday. I want to drink more ice cold soft drink and drive around instead. I don’t want to eat minimally anymore. I eat as much as i could if i could.

What’s fucking wrong with me?!

I only know how to look in envious at how other can climb better, without trying to do something to help myself. I can only keep thinking of doing playboating one day, without thinking of taking the first step the next day.

Goodness…

Today is the 3rd last day of my internship.

While many are overjoyed by the conclusion of their internship, it’s not exactly the case for me. I like this place very much. The people i work with (though i don’t have that much contact with some of them), the office, my cube.

As i pass by the school after my medical check up yesterday, i find the place very unfamiliar. I don’t look forward to going back to school and be a student again, though i look forward to Dance: East and West.

I can’t study dance degree for obvious practical reasons. Parental objection and stuff. But i can at least do it for my elective module.

Woo hoo!

Consolation.